A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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