turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
