i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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