Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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