Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
