I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
