Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
