I am puke
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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