Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
