Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
