i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
