So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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