Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
