I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
