somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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