All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
