I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
