Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
