I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
