What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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