she woke up with a sticky ear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
