i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
