In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
