where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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