Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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