he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
