I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
