So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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