Your dad touched me again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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