I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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