I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
