dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
