remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
