Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
