I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
