I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize