Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
