You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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