Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize