you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this will be a night to untag.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
