So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize