the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
