Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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