I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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