I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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