i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
