the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
