You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
