ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
