I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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