Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
