please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
