Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
