dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
