my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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