what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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