My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
