Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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