Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
