I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
