and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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