I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
