The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
