I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
