I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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