I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
