Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
