I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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