Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
