Well douche your snatch and let's go!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
