Apparently you make a good broom.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
