Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
