I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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