do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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