Farmville is her only friend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
